Sir, that is very dangerous weapon. Please put it down.

Am I in the dream? Am I lingering in some beliefs that are untrue? Frankly I do not feel as though either of these questions are true for me. I am definitely reactionary. I am definitely raw emotionally. There is very little that can be seen as "wrong" and yet I am obssesed with things going badly. It is up and down, up and down and yet I have nothing that is truly a problem. My future-tripping is immense though. I fear what I will not be able to accomplish, from assigned tasks to bike rides to keeping my job. I am winding myself up into a very tight ball and it is going to make me crazy. There is nothing wrong with me, my life, my circumstances, my health, my abilities, my productivity, my garden or greenhouse, my living situation, my cat, my typing, my riding, etc.......I am plagued with fear that something is going to go wrong. I am unable to identify what is the precursor to that fear. I am told that it is from believing a thought or set of thoughts that my discomfort and near-misery arises but I do not see what that thought is. I just know that anything that pops up in my head right now is filtered through the belief of failure, the destiny of destruction. It is so miserable to be in. I just keep sitting back on the couch and looking around me and reminding myself to just be in this room, with its yellow walls, wall hangings, books on a shelf, floor under my feet, windows to the sky, cats lingering in half-sleep near by. What is real are those things as opposed to the circulating fear and loathing that is swirling around inside my head. It must be recognized that I will create some destructive reality "out here" by participating in and believing in the goings-on in this head of mine. But right now I can claim the factual belief that none of that is real, none of the messages are of import. Do not "go into them" and engage the messages and try to "fix it", rather just be here in this room, knowing that what is around me is real and anything else is way beyond my understanding, influence or control and therefore must be abandoned as useless and without merit. it is simple but not easy.................