There's gold in them there hills.....

Today I had a strange and rather unpleasant meltdown after I got home from riding 33.16 "in town" miles. I am fairly confident that it was "sourced" from my not eating enough and being tired, not from any kind of long term paranoia and such. I just basically had a panic attack, based on nothing, really: The world is going to end in my lifetime, I don't have enough money, the floors are dirty and need sweeping(which I did), the garden is dry and the water bill is due(paid), there are clouds in the sky, the freeway is too close to my house and I can hear it, nobody likes me, the cats are needy; ever feel like that? Not about the cats but the overall madness that I have written of? It is passing now. I have not had such anxiety in many a year and so it is unpleasant but it is manageable. I doubt that I will be crushed by it as, since the world is ending in my lifetime, all will be settled!!!

Of course I am a fool. And I know it. So, if there is any reason to doubt me and my ability to manage my particular "crazy", you can rest assured that it will not be visited upon your doorstep. Of course, I know all too well how it is for others to be exposed to my grand dysfunction. But is it "dysfunction" or am I just a little peculiar? I don't really have an answer but I have seen how people get when I am honest and open. Friends suggest I "edit" myself and I suppose I see the potential benefit from that. Ultimately, I am just living my life from an open perspective(I think) and it is not for everyone. There seems to be a reason for my honesty, my openness, that supersedes the need to connect superficially with certain persons. I do not know....

I am delighted to report that my Eulophiella roempleriana has 3 new growths. This is a plant that I got in the spring because my friends Mike says it is a "must have" but it also gets quite big. I am sure that there will come a time when I either get rid of it or some other plants to make room for it. At the moment it is in a 4 inch pot, so I have some time. I actually have a lot of things in bloom right now. This is the first time in my orchid growing lifetime that so many plants have bloomed for me. It is with great pleasure that I survey my kingdom and know that I am indeed fortunate. I think that I am done now..........writing, that is, not done living.......